Criminal

We were home at last. We just hoped that the police wouldn’t find out. We’d be arrested. But where would we hide it all? I don’t know particularly. We’d better find out soon… If we don’t, we’re in serious trouble… I just hope it doesn’t come to the guns… Now I know why Grandpa gave us these guns, we just hope we never need to use them. But we will if we must. Oh, right! I never told you our names! My name is James and I work with my sister Natalie, as well as my mother and father. I am eleven and my sister is twelve. You may be wondering what’s in the bag, but sadly, you will never know... 

Comments

  1. Unknown24 November 2017 at 06:17

    Hello Jason,

    The beginning of your story immediately engages the readers curiosity. By purposefully not directly stating what is happening, suspense is built. The mood of danger and the tone of worry and concern are unmistakeable.
    I do wish you had stuck with the plot decisions and events through the whole piece. The story began so strongly but then the momentum dropped off. The end of your story doesn't really match up well with the mood you began with. I wasn't sure why the names, ages and work information
    were added.
    In order to make your writing even better, try using some rich, vibrant descriptive words to your story. Perhaps you could describe the way the characters looked as they finally got home, or tell about the inside of the home where 'it' would all have to be hid.
    Thank you for sharing your story,

    Gina Ruffcorn (Team 100, Iowa USA)

    ReplyDelete

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